


Get a room

by Bloodyevoker



Series: Xemnas? Fuck that guy. (Or how i learned to stop running and accept my boyfriend's asshole Nobody [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Asexual Xion, At least two people call Riku Mullet boy, Axel is a really sad gay, F/M, Fuck Canon My City Now, Gray Asexual Roxas, Minor Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Minor Kairi/Sora/Riku, Multi, Not canon compliant with KH3, Roxas drops an F bomb, this became way more Roxas and Riku centered than rokushi centered oops, this is Rokushi centered even though Riku is the pov character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodyevoker/pseuds/Bloodyevoker
Summary: It was a simple request, but it never occurred to Riku that Roxas and Xion might not have actually had any knowledge of sex.Thus begins a quest of getting literally anyone else to tell them, and, unexpectedly, gaining a mutual understanding and respect with Roxas.Characters and relationships tagged as they appear/become relevant, updates when they're done
Relationships: Roxas/Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Xemnas? Fuck that guy. (Or how i learned to stop running and accept my boyfriend's asshole Nobody [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793587
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Riku

**Author's Note:**

> I literally just thought it'd be funny to have Riku tell Roxas and Xion to get a room without realizing they might not know what that implies
> 
> Edit 6/21/20: changed the timeframe a little to connect with a different fic

Riku panted, gripping Braveheart as it clashed against Oathkeeper and Oblivion, the keyblade master having to do basically everything he could to stop himself from being overwhelmed. Despite being stuck in Sora’s body for the year and a half before they got him out and into a replica body, Roxas was no less ferocious in battle than he was when they’d last fought. Considering the circumstances the former nobody had grown up in, it wasn’t shocking that his fighting style was less of a honed technique and seemed to be almost entirely based on improvisation and panic.

One final clash and Riku felt his stamina finally run out. Thankfully, Roxas picked up on that and went for a simpler, less painful leg sweep to win their little training session, knocking the older boy right on his ass. Dissapperating his keyblades, Roxas reached out a hand to help Riku up then reached into his pocket, pulling out two bars of ice cream (Where the hell was he keeping those?) and handing one to Riku, deciding not even to take no for an answer (not that Riku’d say no anyway).

“Roxas!”

Riku turned his head to see a blur of a black haired Girl running up to tackle Roxas to the ground. The blond, for his part, did absolutely nothing to stop this attack, ice cream flung out of his hand, landing on the floor next to them. The two were two caught up in...flirting? Talking? Honestly he couldn’t tell in the slightest, since they acted like that all the damn time and despite being in a relationship himself, he was still no good at knowing how people asked. He would never admit it, but it made him a bit jealous to see them get along so well while he was still struggling with telling his boyfriend and girlfriend he loved them (Sora had no trouble, but he was Sora)

However, jealousy quickly turned to embarrassment and disgust as Roxas and Xion started kissing in front of him, giving no shits in regard to him still being there

“Ugh, get a room you idiots, don’t do this in front of me!” He exclaimed, covering his eyes. What he wasn’t expecting was the pause following his words, and especially not the question that came after that

“Uh...why would we need a room? Master Yen Sid said we could kiss wherever we wanted as long as it wasn’t getting in the way of our training, and training just ended.” Roxas asked, the confusion plain in his voice.

“Roxas shares a room with Axel anyway, and he just got used to me coming in to sleep at night, I don’t want to stress Axel out by introducing kissing into the situation, especially when Saix is still...” Xion’s voice drifted off, the end of her sentence not even needing to be spoken “Saix is still with Xenhanort”.

It was then Riku realized he was way too in over his head, but with both Roxas and Xion staring at him expectantly, he couldn’t look away. He was stuck, and he doubted they’d let him get away with making some excuse to leave. He sighed. He was a keyblade master, he’d dealt with far worse than this.

“Did...did Lea not give you two the talk?” Riku asked, trying to gauge how much he needed to actually explain. He’d already decided he wasn’t going to give them the full talk, but he’d at least tell them enough to satisfy their questions.

“The what?” Xion asked, but after Roxas whispered something in her ear her cheeks darkened and she shook her head, then whispered back to Roxas. Riku would have interjected, but he was getting increasingly curious as to exactly what Lea had taught them, if anything.

“Axel keeps telling us we’re too young for that kind of talk” Roxas finally admits, not meeting Riku’s eyes. Riku almost didn’t notice it, but the blond’s face shifted briefly to an expression of irritation, clearly deliberating whether to voice what he was thinking “I just...I’m so fucking tired of people not telling me things, I got enough of that with the Organization. I have a heart, I have feelings! My feelings are telling me they’re sick and tired of not being given information, especially information that would be super helpful!” He finished, then looked down, “Oh, sorry, guess I had been holding that down for too long”

After taking a second to process all the new information as well as holding himself back from his usual spiel of “Don’t swear around Sora”, Riku did something neither he or Roxas was expecting; he put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and spoke firmly, “I’ll talk to Master Yen Sid and see if i can get him to give you two more information, as for the talk, I really think it’s something Lea should be having with you since he’s basically your dad, so I’ll talk to him about that as well.” Honestly, the only reason why he hadn't grabbed Lea and dragged him into this conversation was because he was on a mission.

Roxas nodded, then after a pause, spoke quietly, “Thank you, Riku. You may have a stupid haircut and a punchable face, but i guess you’re not totally a piece of shit”

Riku was so surprised by the show of gratitude he didn’t even register the insults or the half hearted compliment that followed them. Roxas probably still hated his guts (he would too, honestly), but at least he knew when to be grateful.

“So, I talked to Master Yen Sid” Riku states, a week or so later after another sparring session, “He actually agreed with me that the way that we’ve been treating you two is far too similar to how Xemnas did, and we can both agree; “Fuck that guy”.” He says, disregarding his usual distaste for strong language in order to try and empathize with Roxas more

“Now you’re speaking my language, mullet boy! Fuck. Xemnas.” 

“It wasn't a-” Riku stopped himself with an exasperated sigh, realizing that if he defended himself he’d be playing right into Roxas’s hands, so instead he elected to shut up entirely

“Finally wisened up I see, that’s no fun” Roxas teases, but for once there was no malice in his voice, he was just joking around like he would with any other member of their quickly growing crew of Keyblade wielders.

“As for the other thing, Lea just got back from his mission, so I’ll talk to him about giving you and Xion the talk.” Riku adds, praying this would work out.

If he had known what he’d be in for when he made that promise, he would not have made it, but hey, hindsight’s 20:20, and his eyes were messed up.


	2. Lea (and Kairi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea comes back, but quickly shuts down Riku's attempt to make him be a dad for the other two thirds of the seasalt trio. Disheartened, Riku turns to Kairi.
> 
> The results are about the same, but the conversation at least enlightens him into making a decision.

“Hey Lea, I need you to talk to Xion and Roxas about-”

“No.” Lea’s answer was so blunt that Riku was completely taken aback by it.

“What do you mean, “No”?! You’re-”

“I’m not their dad, Riku. Despite what i may act like, I’d much rather have them as my friends than as my kids. They’ve already made me the third wheel on accident a couple times, do you really think i want to add on having to listen to them do that?! I’d rather not have to witness those two try and figure out how to bone while the man I like is, to put it nicely, unavailable.” 

Okay, time to take a step back, this wasn’t gonna work, clearly. Lea had some (admittedly deserved) issues with romance, since the person Lea liked was currently working with the enemy. This would be something Riku had experience with but unfortunately, his experience was the inverse; he had been stuck working with the enemy while his boyfriend and girlfriend worked tirelessly to bring him back. If they could get him back, surely getting Isa back wouldn’t be that hard.

“We’ll get him back, Lea.” The redhead said nothing, but Riku could see a hint of a smile on his face. One that quickly turned to a smirk

“Oh, I know, but I’m still not telling them. You dug this hole yourself, now lie in it”, And with that, the redhead pulled an ice cream stick from his coat and walked out of the room, leaving Riku to realize asking Lea clearly wasn’t going to work. Normally it’d be time for plan B, but Riku didn’t really have one of those.

Well, if one redhead didn’t work, might as well try the other, right?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, why’re you asking me?” Kairi asked him, her voice firm. Of all the things for her boyfriend to ask, teaching Roxas and Xion about adult activities was not what she expected. The two of them (plus Sora) hadn’t really reached that topic, since, well, Sora wasn’t even entirely sure if he wanted to even do that stuff. Kairi didn’t think of herself as someone particularly capable of explaining that kind of activity, even if Sora was into it, and especially not to people like Roxas and Xion whose time prior to joining the group at Yen Sid’s tower was unique to say the least.

“I uh...panicked and didn’t want to ask his majesty or master Yen sid” Riku admitted, trying not to meet her eyes. Kairi, of course, wasn’t the type of person to take that shit, which is why she grabbed his face and pointed it back toward her. Riku was so startled by the action he didn’t even realize she had to stand on her tiptoes to do it, not that it would have made him any less intimidated, Kairi was terrifyingly intimidating when she wanted to be, and with boyfriends like hers she had to be in order to keep them in line.

“Riku, you know I love you, but this really seems like a problem you should be solving yourself. I don’t even really know either of them that well. I don’t even think they’d listen to me.”

“Well I’m pretty sure Roxas hates me, so, I don’t think me trying to talk to him is a very good idea, Kai.”

“He doesn’t, I asked him. He just does it because he knows you’ll fire back with an insult of your own. He likes that you’re not an easy target.” Kairi explains, recalling a conversation she’d had with Roxas a few days earlier when Riku was out on a mission and she and Roxas ended up as the only two stuck at the tower.

“I-well, actually that makes a lot of sense. Sorry, Kai” Riku says, but before he can look away she once again grabs his face, this time kissing his lips. 

“Don’t be sorry, Riku. Now, It’s time you face what you did and give those kids the talk!” Kairi exclaimed, her words and conviction so convincing that Riku didn’t even realize what he’d agreed to until it was too late and he was already walking out the door and heading toward Roxas’s room

“...Damnit, Kairi!”

“No you agreed, get going, Mullet boy!”

“No! Not you too!”

Well, this was his bed, it was time to lie in it. He knocked on Roxas’s door, choosing to wait rather than barge in since he heard the sound of two hormonal teenagers. From the sound of their whispers after he knocked, he didn’t interrupt anything adult, it was clear to him at least that the two were just pushing the boundaries of what they were comfortable with. Riku saw a little bit of himself in them because of that, since his nights also tended to involve trying to figure out what the three of them were all comfortable with.

“Come in” came Roxas’s voice from behind the door. Taking that prompt, Riku opened the door and let out a short sigh of relief seeing that the two of them were indeed clothed. Not that he thought they'd be naked or that if they were, they'd let him in, but he supposed his nerves got the best of him

“So, I talked with Lea, and then Kairi, and well, I think it’s time I give you the talk. You see, when two people love each other very much-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kairi, master of making her boyfriends do what they need to do even if they don't want to do it. Truly a champion and role model.
> 
> Also, yes I did cut off the talk on purpose. Chapter 3 will be Riku (Reprise) and chapter 4 will probably be an epilogue with Aqua


	3. Riku (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cornered by not one but two redheads, Riku gives the two Nobodies the Talk
> 
> it goes...better than expected
> 
> Afterward, Roxas and Xion have a talk and, with Lea's help, discover some stuff they never knew about themselves

Roxas and Xion were very good listeners, turns out. They sat still and stayed silent through Riku’s whole lecture, only speaking to ask him questions. Luckily, neither of them really asked anything that Riku couldn’t answer.

“...And that’s the gist. If you have any big questions, I beg of you to ask Yen Sid or his majesty. Also, before I forget, remember that these walls aren’t soundproofed, and you share a room with Lea” Riku finished, turning away from the pair and opening the door back up. He was either going to have a long chat with Kairi about this or just pass out in their bed without a word, and he didn’t know which he preferred.

“What about Goofy? He has a kid, doesn’t he?” Xion asked, followed by Roxas softly muttering “I don’t want to think about him doing **_that_** , Xi, c’mon.” Xion’s response was something giggly, and Riku took this opportunity to remove himself from the room. He thanked whatever deity that watched over them for the two not immediately doing anything adult, he didn’t think he could handle it. No, just the thought made him deeply uncomfortable.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Y’know, I don’t even know if I want to do that. I love you, Xion but I like kissing and cuddling. I’d just feel weird forcing myself to do that.” Roxas admits out loud now that they were alone. Riku’s explanation had been quite enlightening, and yet Roxas had questions he was sure weren’t appropriate to ask Yen Sid and, well, he always felt weird talking to King Mickey.

“I kinda...know how you feel. I like the kissing and the cuddling but I don’t think I really want to go beyond that…” Xion says after thinking it over herself. Riku, during his lecture, had mentioned that it was okay to not want to do that stuff, but he never really went much further into the topic, resulting in a lot more confusion than intended. There was no way Axel would answer their questions, especially not with his own internal conflicts, so they’d need to rely on someone else.

“Riku and King Mickey are looking for Master Aqua, right? Maybe she could help?” Xion suggested, laying down and looking toward the ceiling.

“I was just going to suggest we ask the Twilight Town Gang, but that’s probably a better idea. Master Yen Sid doesn’t like us leaving the tower anyway, not with everything still being kept in the mansion.” Roxas replied, his arm wrapping around her. Before they could start kissing again, Lea stepped into the room, and waved at them, then noticed what they were doing and jokingly gagged

“So, did Riku give you two the talk? Lea asked, quickly getting a nod from the duo. After an awkward pause he spoke again. “If you need me to step out, I can, just promise me-” he was cut off by Roxas asking him a question

“Axel, is it normal to not want to do the...sex stuff? Like, you only like boys, and Sora likes boys and girls, and I like Xion, but I just want to kiss her, is that normal?”

The longer this line of questioning went, the paler Lea’s face got. Eventually, he got his shit together. Despite his reservations and objections about being the dad figure to Roxas and Xion, he’d rather become a dad to them than to leave them stuck figuring out their identities with no help. He’d already been through that as a teen, and his parents were, well, there was a reason he’d avoided his old neighborhood and didn’t talk much about his childhood.

“I think they call that being Asexual. I haven’t really looked into that stuff since before i became a Nobody, and that was a while ago, but I assure you that it’s okay. If you two don’t want to have sex, thats perfectly okay. It should be something that both of you choose and agree to do.” Lea’s words were firm but comforting, the response being something he wished he’d heard when he was their age.

“Did you ever do it with someone, Axel?

“I’m not answering that. Now, c’mon. It’s time for bed, you two.” Lea didn’t even need to think his answer over. He was neither ready to revisit his past (not until Isa was safe, anyway) nor was he ready to talk about sex with Roxas and Xion.

He may not have wanted to be their dad, but he was sure as hell going to be the big brother figure they needed. Especially if Riku’s explanation was so half-assed that it didn’t even include a basic explanation of sexuality. Or, if it did, the explanation unfortunately didn’t include Roxas and Xion’s own category. 

Either way, he needed to have a chat with Riku. Axel would have probably used fire to make his point, but Lea needed to be the bigger man. Axel was a bad influence and a bad friend, anyway, and Lea was nice enough that he was going to make up for Axel’s bullshit behavior.

They’d find, no, they’d **_save_** Isa, and he’d get to apologize, even if he didn’t deserve to be forgiven, no way in hell was he going to die without apologizing for everything he put his boyf-Best friend through. As for if they’d ever rekindle what they had, he doubted it. Isa deserved someone so much better than him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know what i'm going to do for chapter 4 but it'll probably be Aqua related


End file.
